Diving in head first.....and it is terrifying

Monday, we will start a new adventure. One that no one in our little family has experience with. We have dabbled in it here and there over the last year, but last month we dove in head first and invested A LOT of money into it. We will officially be a homeschooling family......and that is terrifying.

Don't take that the wrong way. We didn't take this decision lightly and I still question it every single day. I know we made the right decision, but there will always be doubts. The same thing would happen if we chose the public school route. I spent many months researching every single detail and every possibility. I spent months trying to weigh the pros and cons. I spent months doing it all over again and making sure I didn't miss anything. This decision isn't as simple as "my daughter gets to stay home and learn what I want". After all, that isn't what I want. I want her to know more than I do. I want her to learn all of the different sides of things and make her own decisions. We didn't choose to keep her home so that I could cram our beliefs down her throat and give her no alternative (this is not what the vast majority of homeschooling families do, but it is what others often think). There are many many reasons we chose this path, but it doesn't make it any less terrifying.

For starters, it is not easy. It isn't as simple as opening a book and telling her what to do for the day. It isn't as simple as handing her worksheets and grading them. We purchased a boxed curriculum. Essentially, that means that 99% of the work is done for me. The worksheets are printed out, all of the books we need came together, the teacher's manual has all of the lesson plans done. It's definitely easier, but there is still so much that goes into it. I can't just hand her a few worksheets a day and call it good. I have to plan activities, crafts, experiments, and then somehow fit all of those in with the school work. Relying solely on some worksheets to teach a kid about the world makes everything seem easy, but it doesn't teach the kid anything.

Another thing I always worry about is if she will be "socialized" enough. This is a problem that arises from something completely unrelated, though. The vast majority of homeschooled children have no problems in society. In fact, it has been proven that homeschooled children do better with people of all ages than those that were in public school. This doubt comes from society. It comes from everyone always assuming homeschooled kids are weird or different. My daughter has no problems with other kids, but because of the stigma that is so ingrained in our culture, I will likely always worry about it.

I fear every day I won't live up to her needs. The entire reason we originally looked into homeschooling is because of how gifted learners are often treated in public school. My time in school was awful, to say the least. I was kept at the same level as others when what I needed was to be pushed and challenged. My daughter is the same. I constantly fear that I will not challenge her enough and she will hate learning like I once did. I know public school won't offer her those things, so I need to try, but it doesn't mean I will be enough.

The amount of money this takes is dreadful as well. Sure, the curriculum is only $300-$700, but that doesn't include the school supplies, the field trips, the extra books, and the hundreds of little add ons. Some families spend as much as $5,000 per year on all of those things. $5,000! For a family with one income, that is a lot of money!

As fearful as all of this is, I can't wait. My daughter LOVES to have school at home. She gets so excited at the very mention of it. I love that I can be the one watching her grow. I can be the one teaching her about life. There are so many benefits to homeschooling that it's insane. For instance, did you know a camping trip (if properly done) can count as school time? There are so many things to learn while camping! On top of that, I get to take her to explore the world! We have so many field trips lined up and I can't wait! She gets to explore and I get to tag along for the ride. Perhaps the best part is that she can learn what she likes. She can learn to garden, cook, sew, research string theory, try her hand at chemistry, or whatever suits her. She doesn't need permission to explore everything around her and she doesn't need to do it on someone else's timeline.

A year of crazy!

WOW! It has been a year since my last update! As much as I love this blog and what it will one day be, life happens and there are priorities. For us, the first one is family. Family has needed us a lot this year. Some of it was great, some of it was awful, but all of it was filled with love.

My family has lost more in the last year than we have gained, but we have kept true to ourselves, our faith, and our focus. We have changed directions multiple times, but one thing has and always will remain constant: focusing on the good. Well, we try. We get knocked down often, but we maintain faith that everything happens for a reason and that God will lead us through. So far, the worst of what we could imagine has not broken us and has not been a worthless loss. In some way, some good has come from all of it. I realize that sounds insane when faced with loss, but it is true.

In August, we lost my nephew. It made me realize a lot of things, as it did for many people. First and foremost, you never know when it will be your last chance to say how you feel. There are many people that will never fully recover from the loss they feel since he left. However, he has helped many others. His story, his life, and his impact have saved lives. One life I know of for sure, but I am sure there were many others. For the family of that one person, their lives also changed forever the day my nephew died. They were able to keep their family member because of the impact my nephew had on them. I'm not saying that one life will ever fill the hole felt by many without my nephew, but at least there is one less family that feels that void.

In December, we lost another child. The worst part is that we were notified on December 20th that my HCG was dropping (losing the baby). If you don't remember, that is the same day that I lost our first. Seven years later I was reliving all of the same horrible things. Almost to the exact minute. I'm not sure just yet what the silver lining is of that one, but I know it is there. I may still be close to the situation to realize what the good is that came from it. The same thing happened with my first. We lost the baby shortly before my husband deployed. Looking back, I know it wasn't the right time/place/situation for a child. We were broke and living in a tiny one bedroom apartment. If we had that baby, our lives wouldn't be what they are and we wouldn't be able to provide our daughter with the life we do. I understand money isn't everything, but I also wasn't in a good place. After my husband left, I could barely take care of myself. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't do anything a human should do. I had other people helping me survive. There is no way I was in the right state of mind to provide the things a child needed. That child made me strong. They made me a survivor. Don't get me wrong, I would still rather have my child and struggle every single day, but I do know that some good came from it. With our second loss, I didn't understand for many months. Five months after the loss, I became pregnant with baby #3. Baby #3 is perfect and healthy. Had I been pregnant with baby #2, baby #3 wouldn't exist. I honestly can't picture my life with any child that isn't her. She's the good that came from that. So, I'm not sure what good there is to be found with losing another child, but I'm sure it is there and one day months or years from now, I will find it.

In December we also lost my step grandpa. I know from watching life dwindle that when it is someone's time, it is better to let them go than to prolong the inevitable. It was his time and he didn't want to suffer any longer. It was hard for a lot of people, but celebrating the life of someone that no longer suffers is an amazing thing. It is cathartic and relieving.

Grandpa B. during his days in the military

In February, we lost my paternal grandfather. It is definitely hard to see the good in that one. Two people that are pillars of who I am are gone and will not see my daughter grow. They will not be pillars in her life. I always knew it would come, I just hoped against hope he would somehow be the one that lived forever as the fun loving man I had growing up. I know it is great that he is finally back with his one true love. I am truly happy for that. Sometimes, it is just hard to remember that one. I still can't listen to amazing grace or bagpipes, but I'm sure I will get there one day. Until then, I carry a piece of his heart on my arm and it will be there for my daughter as she grows up.

My grandfather and his one true love, my grandmother

In April, my husband lost his job. As the sole provider, this was a huge blow. How would we pay bills? On top of that, we now had no vehicle. Thanks to a few awesome people, we made it through. Luckily, this came as we completed a financial class at our church. Our savings account was well cared for. We had enough money to make it through. We had saved for the important things already like school. We wouldn't be able to live forever like that, though. Things have been rough since then, but SO much good has come from this. There are many times God has watched over us without us even knowing what was going on. Right in front of our eyes, things happened that we didn't pay attention to. My sister-ish and brother in law let us use their spare car until we figured things out. A family member gave us a car shortly after and my husband had a job. The car broke down and another family member gave us a car. Someone (we have an idea who) anonymously left us $100 to help out. We were able to buy food for some time. As we worried about where we would live, if we would be moving back to my home town, and what the next week held, everything was falling into place. We are still far off from the life we were living, but we will get there. For now, there are many things to be thankful for. We have amazing family. It happened right before we were making a move that would increase our living expenses drastically. I learned to what extent my husband would go to make sure we can do the things we want for our child (not that I ever doubted him, it's just amazing to see in action). All in all, we came out of that one fairly unscathed.

My sisters and I showing off our finds after a day of foraging

On top of all of that, there is the normal life. Except we don't have a normal life. In fact, as I write this I sit in bed at 1 a.m. because it is the only time I have. Our life is far from average, but definitely busy. So, you see, it's been a year of good and bad. Sure, I've had time to sit down and write in that year, but I used that time to focus on family. I used that time to focus on the daughter that could be gone in an instant. I used that time to help my sister regain her freedom. I used that time to hold onto runt a little tighter and thanking God for her life. I used that time to embody my grandparents and carry on their legacy through action. I used that time to focus on teaching my daughter. I used that time to remind myself of all the grace in the chaos. I spent that time in love and happiness. So, I may not write as often as I would like, but know that my time is being well spent on amazing people. Rest assured I am using my time to help her grow.

Vitamin fruit snacks!

I recently saw a video on making fruit gummy snacks. I figured my daughter would LOVE these, but they aren't the healthiest thing out there. Not by a long shot. So, I doctored them a little. How? Why, adding vitamins, of course! I grabbed everything needed for the fruit snacks, some vitamins suitable for her age, and got to work. You CAN overdose on certain vitamins and minerals, but if you don't add the entire bottle for a 1 year old, you should be fine. Just use common sense and don't give them all of the fruit snacks at once. I added 12 to a single batch. I just mixed the flavors because once its all ground up and dissolved, the flavor would be hidden.


Things you will need:
-8-12 chew-able vitamins
-1/2 cup COLD water
-1/4 cup corn syrup
-1 box flavored gelatin-your child's favorite
-2 envelopes unflavored gelatin

First, grind the vitamins to a fine powder. I used a mortar and pestle, but you could easily use a coffee or spice grinder. Just make sure there are no chunks!

Next, mix the corn syrup and cold water. Make sure the corn syrup is 100% dissolved. Add the flavored and unflavored gelatin. MIX WELL. This part takes a bit of work, but make sure there are NO clumps. Mix in vitamin powder.

Place in a pot on LOW heat until mix is heated through. It does not need to boil, but should have a little steam. Turn off heat and let sit for 5 minutes. Skim the cruddy foam off the top with a spoon. Its super easy after letting the top solidify. Then, poor it into a pan or mold and let it harden! You could easily do fun shapes, we just couldn't find any small ones at the last second. So, I poured my mix in a loaf pan and let it cool that way. Once cool, pull out of the pan. If you didn't use a mold, you will need to cut these down to bite size pieces. Its rather easy, so don't be put off by it.

Just gather a cutting board, SHARP knife, some sort of grease (I used spray, but anything would work), and your slab of gummy!

The gummy peeled out of mine SO easily! I just pulled the slab out and slapped it onto the cutting board. Grease your knife and cut away! Super easy!

Now, my runt can have all the fruit snacks she wants.....because I'll know I am sneaking her vitamins in!

My first success!

As a kid, I loved picking plants and mashing them up into my "experiments". I loved to "cook" with seeds and leaves that I found. Recently, I've become intrigued with the adult version of the same thing- foraging. I always grew up going asparagus hunting with my grandma. She taught me a few obvious plants. Since she passed, my sisters and I spent every mother's day looking for a few plants to eat. Just as grandma always had. On this last trip, we found a couple morels, a bunch of asparagus and a TON of wild onions. I started to do a little digging. I found a few groups on social media that helped me identify plants in my yard. I looked for ways to use those plants and found a couple of them were used in tea to help symptoms of Grave's. I recently found a great doctor that has been helping me, but it is always good to have a back up! So, I picked a few violets (to help with insomnia), prickly lettuce (for insomnia and anxiety), mint (for stomach problems), and even found A TON of catnip for my kitty. Worst case, none of it works and I got my yard weeded. Best case, I got free medicine! In my super tiny yard (I can walk the entire thing in about 45 seconds) I was pulling in buckets and buckets of useful plants. Because my little yard produced so much, I wondered what else I could find in my neighborhood (in the public areas). With the help of social media, I identified a HUGE patch of garlic mustard. I did some research and found that they are a massive pest. People can't seem to get rid of the stuff. It was originally brought to the Americas for its culinary uses. This boggles my mind. Something was brought here because it was prized for its flavor. Now, its a common weed. What changed? Why did people stop using it? Why are people killing it when it used to be cultivated and sold as crop? I'm not saying let it choke out your garden by any means. I'd definitely rather have some gorgeous green beans and bell peppers. What I AM saying is: You're pulling it anyways. Why not utilize it? Well, I decided I was going to give it a shot. Which brought me to my first successful food made from plants I found.

Garlic Mustard

While looking for an identification, someone mentioned Garlic Mustard Pesto. I LOVE pesto. I could probably live off of that and bread. It is by far the most amazing food (okay, slight exaggeration). I try to eat it in everything. Why not switch it up and try Garlic Mustard pesto? What did I have to lose? A bit of olive oil and some cheese? I have it all in my house anyways on any given day (except today because I used the last of it for this). Plus, it is amazingly easy and super nutritious.

Before giving you the recipe, I do have to say, DOUBLE CHECK YOUR IDENTIFICATION!!!! I know Garlic Mustard is relatively easy for identification purposes, but do it anyways. Better safe than sick!

Now, onto the good stuff.

Ingredients:

-3 cups garlic mustard leaves

-3/4 cup walnut

-3 cloves garlic

-3/4 cup olive oil

-1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

In a food processor, place leaves, walnut, and garlic cloves. Pulse "chop" button. Add about half of the olive oil and continue to pulse until thoroughly chopped. Mix in Parmesan and you're done!

You can put it in an ice cube tray and freeze or freeze in a jar to preserve it as well. That way, you have GOOD pesto all year long! YUMMMM!!! 

DIY Laundry crystals

This one is super easy. DIY crystals to make your laundry smell amazing! It's a cleaner version of the chemically loaded store bought version. Plus, you can customize the scent and there are endless combinations! In this batch, I just used eucalyptus because it was a cheap bottle my husband could grab on the way home. The store we bought it from didn't have a huge selection of scents I want on my clothes, but I will be ordering some soon to make a bunch of different ones! No need to use your good, therapeutic, and expensive oils for this either. Just find something cheap. Because this is only for scent, quality of oil isn't a huge issue. You don't want bottom of the barrel, but it doesn't have to be great either. Which will also save you money!

What you need:
-Epsom salt
-essential oil(s)
-container

You want to use between 10 and 15 drops of oil per cup of Epsom salt. I used 13 and this gave a strong, but not overpowering scent. The problem I have with store bought crystals is that they can be way too strong. So, add what you like. It will still smell fairly strong, but this will be diluted in the wash.

I added 2 drops of washable dye per 3 cups of salts. This is only to make it fun for my daughter and to make sure the oils are distributed evenly. This is NOT a necessary step. However, as I get more scents, I will continue to do this so I can have a few different options that are easily distinguished from one another.

Once the salt is thoroughly mixed with the oil, just place it in a container for storage and you're good to go! I used an old bottle from the store bought version because it's super convenient and the lid came off easily. Way easier than running to the store and much cheaper! The store bought version is around $5. For the equal amount (which varies by essential oil costs) comes out to roughly $1.10! Because I'm super cheap, this makes me super happy!

Due to the fact that it is also in my detergent, I only add 1/8 of a cup. Otherwise, add 1/4 for a large load.

Dishwasher tabs

Another favorite of mine is dishwasher tabs. When dishes are being unloaded/loaded, putting away dishes that go in low cabinets, loading her dishes, and putting in the detergent are jobs that belong to my daughter. She LOVES these jobs. She yells at me if I do them without her or do them while she is napping. Sometimes, its a pain to deal with her getting distracted every two seconds, but she tries her hardest to help. I can't complain about that. Because powder and liquid can be messy in the hands of an 18 month old, I started making these tabs. Now, I hand her two and she puts on in each compartment. It is so easy and makes her feel like she is doing grown up stuff.

What you need:
-1 container lemi-shine or 12 oz citric acid- I prefer lemi-shine because its cheaper than the equivalent amount of citric acid and does a better job in my opinion.
-1 1/2 cups washing soda
-3/4 cup baking soda
-3/4 cup kosher salt- to soften water. Use less if you have soft water.

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl. This often hardens even in an airtight container. So, to avoid ending up with one huge block, make it all into tabs the same night. Using a tablespoon, scoop one level spoonful into an ice cube tray or silicone mold (this makes a lot, so using a few ice cube trays is best). This CAN solidify on its own, but I feel like it takes FOREVER. Depending on humidity levels, it can take well over a week.... So, spritz it with some water. DO NOT mix it with water prior to putting it in the molds. The water reacts with the citric acid and it becomes useless if it all reacts. Allow it to sit for 12 hours. Tabs should easily pull away from tray sides. If it does not, spritz with a little more water and let dry.

Almost 70 tabs in 10 minutes!

Once they easily pull away from sides, they are ready to be removed and used! Once removed, place in an airtight container for use! If a few crumble when taking them out, this is completely normal. Just throw the powder in your jar and add it to the next batch you make. It isn't likely to harden in your container as it has already been exposed to water and has formed its own little clumps.

We have a small vase full sitting on our counter with the majority sealed and kept hidden in the cabinet away from eager toddler fingers.

DIY Laundry detergent or tabs

I have been on a huge DIY kick lately. As some of my posts have let on, I'm in love with DIY cleaners. Mostly because I'm super cheap (I HATE spending unnecessary money). I have been dying to do my own laundry detergent, but had stockpiled a few months ago and waited to run out. I'm allergic to almost every detergent, so I was super happy to try this! Its SO cheap (like me) and my daughter LOVES the tabs. You could leave it as a powder, but the tabs don't take much more work and I like the convenience of them.

This is a SMALL fraction of the batch I made. I filled a one gallon jug and this jar with tabs! Definitely worth it!

What you need:
- 5.5 oz grated soap- My husband goes on many trips for work so we have a huge stockpile of hotel soaps. I used these and they worked great. If you're buying some, buy Fels Naptha. I've seen posts saying you can microwave it and crumble it. I tried this and the heat from the bar cracked my pyrex bowl :( So, try at your own risk!
- 3 cups borax
-2 cups washing soda
- 4 1/2 cups oxygen bleach
- 2 cups washing crystals- home made or store bought. I will be posting a recipe for those soon because I'm cheap!

Mix everything together! Keep in an airtight container and use 1-2 tablespoons per load! For tabs, mix a small amount of water with a small amount of detergent powder (it can dry out while forming tabs and you want some dry in case you add too much water). Once its a wet sand consistency, it is ready to mold! There are a few options for this. I use a cookie scoop and scoop it onto wax paper. I also make some with a tablespoon for the mold. I use the larger ones for super loads and the tablespoon size for the smaller loads. You can also scoop one tablespoon into an ice cube tray. Then, throw in 2 for large loads and 1 for smaller loads. Let sit for 24 hours before storing in an airtight container. Super easy! Plus, they smell amazing and they are hypoallergenic!