A few days ago I hit my 40 week mark, but was showing no signs of labor so we decided to wait on induction. The next day I went in for a non-stress test to make sure that the baby was moving enough and her heart was reacting correctly. Instead, we found out I was having contractions every 6 minutes. Because of the contractions the doctor decided to check me. I was dilated and ready for labor. Since we live an hour from the hospital I was delivering at the doctor sent me in for induction. At about 7 they gave me a medicine that is used to soften the cervix. By midnight, I was having contractions that were less than 2 minutes apart, but only lasting 30 seconds. Every time I had one of these minor contractions, her heart rate dropped. They did what they could to even it out, but by 7 a.m. they had not been able to even out her heart rate enough. They knew that no matter what they did, she would not handle real labor and I would end up having a c-section anyways. So, instead of waiting for the inevitable, they got me ready for surgery. I don't remember much besides crying because I was upset by this. However, now that it is over, my only regret is the drugs. I don't remember much of her delivery and I don't like that. At some point, they brought her to me and I kissed her cheeks and forehead, but I don't remember any of that. I remember her first cry and I remember her being held over the curtain. So, at least I remember the important stuff I guess. Anyways, at 7:23 a.m. we welcomed a 7 pound 11 ounce, 20 inch long little girl. After delivery, I was told there was no way I could have delivered her naturally because of how wide her head was. So, it was best to have the c-section when I did rather than waiting until it was time to push and finding out I needed one anyways.
She is an amazing baby. She sleeps most of the night, usually waking once for a feeding and then going back to sleep. She isn't fussy (yet) and she is very active when she can be. She loves to hold her head up and scratch it on daddy's chin. She loves me for food. I swear, that kid does nothing but eat. She has done really well with breastfeeding. She latched on from the moment they gave her to me. The nurse didn't even have a chance to help! The only frustration I have faced with it is that she wants more than I have. I can't give her enough! I know it isn't a big deal, but the past few days everything makes me cry. Hell, I am crying right now.
Mostly, I just get really sad that she will grow up. I know that it happens and it is a fact of life, but when I think about her not being my little girl anymore it absolutely devastates me. Just thinking of her growing up, not being able to sleep on my chest, not needing me anymore.....I just can't handle it. I really can't stand the thought of her being anything but this little baby that needs me for everything. This little girl that curls up on daddy's chest and scratches her head on his beard will one day be graduating high school. I don't know how parents do it. I just can't imagine it. I know she has to grow up, but that doesn't mean I have to face it just yet. After all, she isn't even a week old.