Potty training!

So, we aren't going full on with potty training just yet. I mean, my kid turned one not even a week ago. However, we got her a potty chair for a birthday gift figuring we would use it in the next few months (and it was free thanks to fisher price). Two days after her birthday I pulled it out and assembled it. I figured "let's see what happens". Couldn't hurt. At the very least, it would get her used to the chair. So I sat her on her seat next to the big toilet. I sat next to her and waited. Not even two minutes later her chair started singing. It only sings when it senses the child has gone to the bathroom. I thought it was malfunctioning. I mean, no way this kid went the the bathroom. It wasn't! She had gone! I figured it was a fluke and the next time would be torture. It wasn't!  I'm not sure how, but she goes to the bathroom every single time within a few seconds of sitting down. It sings (which is great because she LOVES music) and she dances. We cheer and she claps. We still aren't going full force with it, but she has done great! Now, the question becomes, how do I teach her to tell me when she has to go? For right now, I'm not concerned. I take her in every hour and she goes without fail. So, I'm hoping in a few weeks she will make the connection. Until then, I'm just glad she is trying! I honestly couldn't be more proud of her for at least giving me that!

Building sticks

So, I got a little too excited and instead of waiting a couple days (I had planned on having her pick an activity on sunday, using it as incentive during the week, and completing the activity on Friday or saturday) I made my husband go out and pick up the items today. It was super simple and she loved them. Plus, she can learn fine motor skills, shapes, counting, colors, and the velcro adds a little sensory play.
Items you will need:
Popsicle sticks- you can color them on your own with 20 drops food coloring and 1 cup hot water. Let them soak for at least an hour. I just bought them already colored because it was thirty cents more.
Velcro rounds

Take the popsicle sticks and place one velcro round on each end. You can put a scratchy one and a soft one, two soft ones, or two scratchy ones. I mixed it up so she can learn how velcro works.

Lastly, I got a pencil pouch. Really, any small container will work for taking them on the go (amazing quiet activity for waiting rooms), but I like the pencil pouch that fits in the binder best. Soon, we will be taking a lot of 2-3 hour car rides to visit family. So, she can pick a few pencil pouches for her travel binder and they will be nice and organized in the car. Simple and amazing.

JUST DO IT

Yesterday was my daughter's first birthday!  As exciting as it seems, I actually hate it, but that's another post entirely. This post is about one of the gifts I made her. I call it her "just do it jar". Basically, it's a jar filled with fun things for her to do. I gathered 52 fun activities, put them in simple categories (takes planning, everyday, nice weather, and costs more than $5), and then printed them on colored paper. All of the activities will actually cost about $3! Not only is it super cheap, but it gives us all a chance to make memories. Every week, she will pick one new activity and we will complete the activity as a family. I put in everything from colored spaghetti for dinner to going to the zoo. She will get her jar refilled every year on her birthday and have a whole new list of activities to do. She made her first pick and the winner is..... making building sticks. Every week, I will be sure to post instructions and lots of pictures!

I've done it....have you?

We all know the story of Job (that's right, I'm going biblical). A wealthy man that had everything stripped from him for what would seemingly be Satan's amusement. And what's worse? God let it happen. Right? Yet, job never cursed him. He never lost faith. He was steadfast and firm. Not me. Within the first chapter, Job was stripped of his animals, servants, and children. Kill my dog? Sure, I'd be sad, but I wouldn't curse god. Take my home? I'd find a place and be okay. Kill my servants? Well, I don't have any. So..... Take my children? Yep. I'm out. I'm done. I lost the battle. In 2008 when I lost my first, I blamed two factors. My body and my god. Why would he do that to me? Why would he take my baby right before my husband goes to war? What did I do? Who did I wrong? Did I deserve this? There are rapists and child molesters that have kids, but I can't? Not just can't. Not "oh, you cant conceive". More like "here is the one thing you want..... haha just kidding".
Okay, stick with me, because this really DOES go somewhere.
Finally, I accepted it. The biggest reason I wanted a baby RIGHT THEN was because I wanted a part of my husband in case he didn't come home. Eventually, I realized maybe it was a sign that I didn't need a part of him because I would have HIM. It may be a wait, but I took it as a sign he would come home. Guess what? He did. We waited a few years and the entire time I wondered if it was really possible. Finally, we tried again. 5 months in, I lost another. I remember crying on the bathroom floor begging for an answer. Why me? What did I do? My husband doesn't deserve this! How could you abandon me? Eventually, I came around and knew god never left me. That same month, I got a surprise. He hadn't abandoned me. He just asked that I wait and have faith. Although I was still a nervous wreck about another loss, there was a calm. When I would stress out the most, it just happened. An eerie calm. Deep down, I knew this one would make it.
People often ask why God let Job go through that. Why did he sit by and watch his pain? Why did he allow, if not encourage, it to happen? I've always wondered this myself. Why? Better yet, why did Job accept it? Tonight, Job was part of my bible study. While I sat there reading, it hit me. God wasn't torturing Job, or me. He doesn't do that. All he asks is that you wait and have a little faith. For me, I wouldn't be able to offer my daughter the life she has and deserves if our first baby was born. I wouldn't have my daughter if our second was born (I would have been pregnant at the time of her conception instead). Do I still miss them? Every day. However, things turned out amazingly well. I don't know what I'd do with anyone that wasn't her. We just had to wait for the perfect moment. The perfect genetic combination. Have I cursed god and left his side? Yes. Have I seen that I'm not always right? Yes. I wouldn't change her for the world. Would I curse him again? If he takes my daughter, most likely, but I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a work in progress.

It DOES get better, baby.

I sit here with my baby asleep watching a show about children with OCD. This brings many many thoughts to mind. First, it reminds me of my past. I was diagnosed when I was 7 years old. I vividly remember fighting with my mom in the laundry room because of my clothes. She asked why I couldn't just wear them and all I could say was "they're wrong". I didn't know why they were wrong. I didn't know if I was wrong. I just knew it didn't work. Something was wrong. I screamed, I cried, I couldn't live with it. Yes, it was just a pair of pants, but for me, it was only the beginning. It wasn't "I don't like that outfit". It wasn't just a tantrum. I could not for some reason comprehend the feeling. It was horrible. All I could focus on was everything bad. It didn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Even looking back and feeling that feeling, I can't explain it. Honestly, the way I felt at that moment was worse than when I watched my grandmother, my rock, take her last breath. I was diagnosed after I started hoarding change. My parents were at their wits end. They had nowhere to turn and weren't sure what was going on. They didn't know something was wrong. I'm sure they just saw their child being a demon and throwing tantrums to get their way. Finally, they found my doctor. She was great. She listened to me and let me do what I needed to do. She ran some tests, had some observation, and finally came to a diagnosis. My parents were very supportive once they found out. They gave me all of the help I needed and worked with my compulsions. They were pretty easy back then. Still, things got worse. Students made fun of me and picked on me when I would act on my compulsions. As if I thought this was normal. I knew it wasn't. I couldn't stop it. Eventually, my compulsions once again changed. Now, they are easily managed and cause me no harm. I know that even as a child, my OCD wasn't as bad as some other cases. It was a lot better than some cases. However, when dealing with that, your world comes crashing down. I was lucky and had a family that stood behind me and the disease they didn't understand. I had parents that did their best to make sure I was never treated differently. Without the way they treated me, I'm not sure how I would have reacted to my diagnosis. Now, I embrace it. I love it. It isn't who I am, because I control it. However, it is a part of who I am. I have won. Not totally. I still have small battles every day. However, I have learned when and how far I can push myself. I have won.
Second, it makes me think of fish. A lot of scientists say it is genetic. This terrifies me. Will I know it when I see it in her? Will I be able to help? Will hers be worse than mine? Will I push her too far? Will she be able to cope with it? Will she beat it or will it beat her? Will I be the cause for her suffering? I mean, even aside from the condition, I had society to deal with. I could understand it and live with it, but it wasn't as easy for others. And I suffered because of that.
Lastly, I would like to tell my daughter something.
Fish, it does get better. It hurts like hell to battle every single day, but battling leads to conquering. If you do have OCD, I am here for you. No matter what. Not everyone may understand, but I will do my best to make sure that they don't care. I don't care what I have to do. I will do my best to make sure you still have a normal life. I will do my best to make sure that it is as easy as possible for you. I will do anything and everything. Just know that as long as you keep fighting, you CAN win. I still fight it, but it has gotten easier. I promise. One day, you will win. Just fight a little at a time. I will fight with you. Your father has fought alongside me from the time he saw it in action. He always knew it was there, but after my first breakdown, he stuck by me. He will stick by you. He will do anything he can to help you. If its you, a sibling, or someone you meet, remember that they can't control it. Remember that it isn't their fault. Don't hate them or pick on them. Support them. They fight every single day.

Blowing kisses

Today, our little one learned to blow kisses. She kept doing it at random points through the day (like our hour long car ride home). She was so proud that she could do it. She loves blowing kisses. Tonight, I put her in bed, we said our prayers, gave kisses, and I walked to turn the light off. I turned back to sign "I love you" before I flipped the switch and she was laying there quietly. As I signed to her, she reached up and blew me a kiss. I can honestly say that was one of the sweetest moments with her. She is growing quickly and I hate it. I look at her and know that she isn't that tiny baby anymore and won't always want me there. However, moments like that make her growing up all worth it. She may not always like me, but she will always love me. She reminded me of that tonight. She was mad I was laying her down, but she still wanted to show mommy her new trick. She will get mad at me many more time, but no matter how big she gets, I will always be mom.

Her growing mind.

My daughter isn't satisfied seeing things work. She isn't happy accepting that they work. She needs to know how and she will spend as much energy as she can doing so. She doesn't just accept that the world spins. She needs to know why it does. The other day, she was at her sitter playing with the magnets on the fridge. She would take them off of the fridge and stick them to her hand. They would fall to the floor and she would get a little spark in her eyes. She wanted to know why they would stick to one thing and not another. She wasn't happy accepting that they stuck to the fridge. However, the ability of her mind far exceeds the ability of her body. I have searched for play ideas that enhance her thinking while not pushing the limits of her body too far. Recently, we found something that worked. Sensory play. My husband got a promotion and a few nights a week he is out of town. To make the transition easier on her, I plan one new activity for her each week. Last week, we did pudding finger painting. I colored pudding and let her go to town. The painting kept very well. It didn't mold or stink. It was just like normal paints except tolerant for her little mouth. This week, I made moon dough. I started letting her plain with plain potato flakes and she loved scooping them from one side to the other. Slowly, I added colored water and you could see the gears in her head start turning. She quickly learned cause and effect in that situation.  She sprinkled dry flakes in with the wet mass and formed a bigger ball. I let her continue to do so until it was the consistency of moon dough. She then learned that putting it in the scoops would make shapes. She made a little ball. She had a blast. Her body is right where it should be for her age and can accept this type of play. And her mind? It continues to flourish with the play time. The only problem is that she catches on to each new activity so quickly and gets bored. However, I can afford some beans, rice, and food coloring if it means she is finally getting what she needs. She has been very frustrated with her body. It doesn't do what she wants. She wants to run, but her body doesn't listen. She wants to climb, but her body doesn't have the ability to. She wants to understand everything, but her body often hinders that. Finally, we have found a happy medium. Finally, her body and mind get along.....If only for a few hours.